EXPLORE MY LAIR

JournalListed in rev-Chronological Order

30 Frimaire an CCXXX ( 20 12 MMXXI )
    
First of all, I moved out of my uncle’s house where I’ve been living since July when I moved across the country. His wife hates me, for all intents and purposes. She always has for the most part, even when I was younger. Sometimes I don’t know why, but I know she doesn’t like that I’m antisocial. I don’t want to talk to her because she is constantly negative about everything and if I talk to her she’s gonna get on some shit, usually I’d even schedule my eating times for when she was out of the house. Just not a person who I need to be around. The only thing I look forward to in that house is talking to my cousins. There is shit everywhere, it can be described as diet-hoarding, it isn’t too bad, but the room I was staying in was just filled with useless shit, just useless trash everywhere. There is always shit on the counter when I’m trying to make something for a meal, always shit on furniture. I swear I would throw it all away if I could. Nothing is done about all of it because most of it isn’t completely useless, but if your a minimalist like me then its a problem. So, around a month-and-a-half ago, I sort of lost my shit one night and started biting off the skin on the back of my hand. I kept biting until I saw my metacarpals and started to feel the adrenaline and got overwhelmed. I left myself with a 2-3cm diameter hole in my hand. That scar will be there forever most likely, just another trophy to add to the lineup. Since then I’ve stopped having the urge to do that sort of stuff, especially when I really started getting into schoolwork. I’ve finished my first semester at college, with a 4.0. None of the classes were hard per se but just a lot of work so I’m sorry that I haven’t been around on Neocities for a while. College is 10x better than high school (despite going to a shit community college). I’ve forgotten most things about high school which is probably for the better. I’ve been assembling stuff for a portfolio, I’ll probably apply to Rhode Island for an ego check and not go bc dolla billz fuck that shit. Maybe things are better, I don’t know. I no longer live in that dirty house where I felt like vermin, I’m no longer living on a gang border either with crazy motherfuckers hanging around on the route to and from school, also I can now wear shoes indoors because I’m a sadist/American and I’m free to do that shit now. It snowed a couple days ago and being able to sit in front of a window at 1am in a clean room, with a dim yellow light revealing the snowfall outside. The front yard is like a courtyard of sorts, very small and with pieces of metal furniture and flower pots strung about. For the first time in a long time I consciously wanted to remember that moment, something to think about in the future; I don’t know why, but I just think it would be valuable.
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24 Brumaire an CCXXX ( 14 11 MMXXI )
    
I’ll make a proper entry in a few weeks or so, or at least until I move out from where I’m living now. I have a lot to say and a lot has happened since my last entry, but as of now I’m doing ok. You also may have noticed that all of the other entries are gone, this is because the new year in the French Republican calendar has lapsed so they’ve been archived for now. I’ll try to fit them somewhere. I’ve also been experimenting with three.js for a secret project, idk when it will come to fruition.